This is Titmouse: a mouse who turned into a human-like mouse overnight. A character based on myself.
Titmouse is, other than his name would suggest, no titmouse. He is a ‘no tit mouse’: his chest proudly shows top surgery scars. Though scars are often seen as bodily ‘imperfections,‘ these are imperfections that I am looking forward to once I start my medical transition. Besides these scars, Titmouse also has freckles and dark under-eye circles, which I have come to love about my face. The purple indicates a tiredness that is closely connected to my mental health. Just like Titmouse I struggle to show excitement on my face, and I recently learned that I also have difficulty making eye contact. Titmouse’s face either shows no emotion, or a lot of it, similarly to the way I either feel everything at once, or I feel numb, when I am in a depressive episode.
Even though Titmouse personifies my depression, anxiety, OCD and gender dysphoria, I do not see him as a negative character. On the contrary, Titmouse helped me realize that even with these struggles, a creature is still deserving of love. I want to take care of Titmouse the way I would for my inner child. The way my grandmother, who lovingly called me ‘little mouse,‘ took care of me.
A prominent feature of Titmouse is the star-shaped fur marking on his forehead. As he is finding his place in the universe, Titmouse realizes that he is actually the universe experiencing itself, which helps him come to terms with the way he is. For me, the sun stands for the start life and the moon for the end of life. The star therefor stands for life while it is being lived. And however rough it can feel, Titmouse will live his life, only to join the moon once his time is up, and no sooner.
Assignment for the online Master in Editorial and Advertising Illustration, LABASAD, 2024.